What hurt the most is that you made me the bad person, for some reason you were able to make all my mistakes worse then your own. I was sitting there, all alone for months not knowing what was going on. Something had changes between us, I knew that much but you were acting like nothing was wrong. Its hard being on the other side of the world an not know where you stand in a relationship. I admit I made the first false move, and yes it was wrong but I was honest and it was minuscule to what you did next. My mistake made me fall more in love with you, but for you, you fell out of it. I wish with all my heart I could take back that one night, just to see how different things would have turned out. You might have used my mistake as reasoning for your own, which would be fair if it was anywhere close to the same level. I was honest and you hid the truth from me. You played naive while I would stay up all night with this sickening feeling. Even when you came back, it was months of us moving one step forward and two steps back, not together, but not apart. It drove me to the verge of crazy. Going over and over in my head about everything i had done wrong. You had all the power. You had all the control. Looking back it makes no sense that I would willingly make myself so small. That’s not love, that’s guilt. I was holding onto the past and all the things you had promised me. You are not a good person, you were toxic to me, and nearly destroyed me. you might have made everyone think i am the bad person, but we both know you are just as much at fault as me, if not more. I tried to fight for us, you just wanted to play mind games. You wont find love that way, there is no trust. I’m just so glad I managed to finally see my foolishness and get you out of my life. No matter how much i lost in the process.
I watched her as she would float around the room. Mingling with the blurred faces in loud conversations. She would chip in every now and again, her laugh could be heard dancing between the rest. Her smile was bright and genuine but hidden deep within her sparkling eyes you could see the darkness. A place where her natural light did not touch. I’d watch her from the other side of the room and conversations separated and those around her turned away. I’d watch as she would take another sip of her drink, and her smile would slowly drop from her face. Looking down at her hands which lay in her lap i could see how the sadness swept in. As everyone in the crowded room was busy ans consumed they missed the most beautifully tragic moment as the loneliness swept over her. Something so powerful and so saddening, I couldn’t tear my gaze away. She was lonely in a room full of people, she was impressive in her disguise, or maybe it was just that no one else took the time to notice.
